the Revelation
It was an uncharacteristically cool night, as we ambled along the recoloured paths of where our hearts began to lie. London, while autumnal, bloomed around us as we found our way to a place encountered by many, but held solely by ourselves. The place I found with him.
For a city so vast in what one can experience, the air lingered with an indescribable sense of ease. So vast a city, yet the only people who revitalised its heartbeat, were us. The atmosphere became enthralled by the unspoken feelings that only we knew, determined to bring to light everything that lay within us.
It was a shared refuge, that little bench which perched underneath the toasty amber globes. It bubbled with a simple serenity, painted by the quintessential cityscape that became our home.
Every brief moment where our knees warmed each other’s. Every extra glance at his eyes that danced alongside the music we shared. Every held breath, as he embraced my hand to move with him. The day I rested my head on his shoulder, and safety in its essence, was felt.
All I know, is that each song marked the endlessly unattainable possibility of a life full of love and laughter together. A life enriched with tenderness. Every song shared, spoke through me - in a way that only lyricists and musicians can when you feel everything at once and yet fail to articulate those things through your own voice.
Every song spoke through him, as he watched my body relax, and my smile consume me. I remember how he told me he wished he could watch me dance like no one in the world but him could see. I wish I was brave enough to do it. But to let go would have been to let him know how he made me feel. Inexplicably. To let go would have meant taking that leap and not knowing wholeheartedly that he’d fall beside me.
How precious love is, when it’s so honestly felt. How undefinable it can be when there aren’t enough words to express what it means to the two who share it. Only something so pure can be ungovernable. The most beautiful things, like that night, like him, are where true freedom can be found.
What an uncharacteristically cool night it was. Yet it wasn’t our physical proximity to each other that solely kept us warm. It was the weakness in how soft we made each other feel. It was the ways in which not a care for anything but each other in those hours spent, were honoured. How I can remember how time stood still yet flew simultaneously and how the night didn’t end once we said our goodbyes, or told each other how happy we felt together that night. The happiest we’d both felt in a while…
He taught me what it meant to be seen, valued, enjoyed, wanted. He taught me that I was enough without having to offer my body in any way other than what came from my heart, what was spoken from my lips, or by the sound of my laugh and how his whole face would be illuminated by his own as a result.
I wonder how, if he were to account for this moment, he’d describe it all? When would he have felt the exact moment where it all made sense, when he really knew?
The world around us would stand still when we’d walk towards where our homes were bound yet we’d both look back to wave, until the next time, not truly saying goodbye, but acknowledging our hope to reunite in our place, once again.
We both knew, that a replica would do this night a disservice. It was one of one for all the reasons that made it so meaningful. Everything that had led us there; the thousands of steps we took, the narration of the lives of strangers we’d never see again, the exploring and nostalgia that came from it - it all led our hearts each other. It all helped us find our truth.
Love was unequivocally made known, on the coolest of nights, with the coolest person I know, and for that, my heart will forever reside there, for him. With him.